Cutest legs ever

I spoke too soon and took too much credit for resolving the edema in my legs months after getting two bionic knees. I should have known better than to think I could so easily defeat the effects of Parkinson's medications and the disease itself, which "keeps on giving" as long as we live.

"Tell me honestly, Claudia, how concerned should I be about the swelling in my legs?" I asked the young woman fitting me for compression stockings. "Is it close to the worst you've seen?"

"Nowhere near," she reassured me. "I've seen people whose ankles and knees are so swollen they touch the ground. Not only are your legs nowhere near the worst I've seen, they may be the cutest legs I've seen all day, and it's almost closing time."

"I bet you say that to all the women," I said, trying not to blush. "Is there a chance you could order my stockings in black fish net?"

"That option is not available," she chortled.

Perhaps there's a business opportunity here, I thought to myself. What woman wouldn't prefer something sexier and more current than the boring beige stocking, not to mention cooler?

Since the lion's share of my swelling is in my ankles (thank you dopamine agonist) and my bionic knees, we agreed I should first try wearing thigh high stockings and knee highs as a back-up. Pulling the longer ones on will be more of a challenge than ever, but my gallant husband has already volunteered his help. How much harder could this be than taking off my garter at our wedding 38 years ago.

"What do you think?" Claudia asked me, as I pirouetted in front of the mirror so we could see my lovely legs from all sides.

"I think they look and feel like hot dogs pushing the limits of their natural casing and about to explode," I answered.

Afraid to ask where we would go from here if these don't work, my very active imagination envisioned a colorful "body bag" which would cover everything but my head, pushing the fluids up just enough to give the appearance of my having had liposuction and a face lift. Now those are gifts I wouldn't mind Parkinson's giving.

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